Most of us have been taught to make sure we start off with others on the right foot. The thinking here is that first impressions are LASTING impressions. And to be certain, there are a lot of people that place a great deal of emphasis on the first time or moment they meet someone.
From my humble perspective, accepting a first impression as anything more than what it is can be a big mistake. In fact, the way I attempt to size up others is almost always to THROW OUT my first impression.
I came to this conclusion years ago when I worked as a Child Abuse Investigator for the State of Arkansas. I realized that when I first met someone it was usually under circumstances that they would just as soon forget. No one wants to talk to someone who can potentially decide to have the family's child or children removed from the home.
Consequently, owing to the precise reason for our encounter, I came to understand that I tended to meet people under very stressful conditions AND I would probably see them at the worst behavior.
So, instead of making my mind up the minute I laid eyes on a person, I tended to not form any judgments until the second or third meeting -- after they had a chance to cool off. Often, my 2nd and 3rd impressions coincided with my initial ones. However, just as often, my view of the person changed radically. A person -- who initially came across as a raving lunatic, a hell bent troublemaker or an hysterical adult -- would often appear quite different later on in the process.
I began to realize that this phenomena applied across the board in most situations. In other words, it wasn't something that existed SOLELY because of this kind of specific situation.
When we encounter someone for the first time, there is often quite a bit of anxiety involved. Some people are simply uncomfortable making small talk with people they don't know. Others are out to impress the new person. Some people are overly talkative. (I can be that way when I'm uncomfortable.) Some people are painfully shy.
The point is that people tend to act differently than they might otherwise during initial encounters. And people too often make the mistake of judging or sizing up others based on what can be rather awkward situations.
Some people, in fact, form an initial impression about someone new and stick to it regardless of later observations. It's like they freeze frame the first few minutes of their relationship with someone and they use this mental photograph as a guide to interpret ANYTHING the person later says or does.
In most cases, they unilaterally alter the form the relationship could take. They objectify it and it becomes not a genuine give-and-take relationship but a caricature OF a relationship.
Expand your horizons. Don't allow first impressions to cloud subsequent observations.
From my humble perspective, accepting a first impression as anything more than what it is can be a big mistake. In fact, the way I attempt to size up others is almost always to THROW OUT my first impression.
I came to this conclusion years ago when I worked as a Child Abuse Investigator for the State of Arkansas. I realized that when I first met someone it was usually under circumstances that they would just as soon forget. No one wants to talk to someone who can potentially decide to have the family's child or children removed from the home.
Consequently, owing to the precise reason for our encounter, I came to understand that I tended to meet people under very stressful conditions AND I would probably see them at the worst behavior.
So, instead of making my mind up the minute I laid eyes on a person, I tended to not form any judgments until the second or third meeting -- after they had a chance to cool off. Often, my 2nd and 3rd impressions coincided with my initial ones. However, just as often, my view of the person changed radically. A person -- who initially came across as a raving lunatic, a hell bent troublemaker or an hysterical adult -- would often appear quite different later on in the process.
I began to realize that this phenomena applied across the board in most situations. In other words, it wasn't something that existed SOLELY because of this kind of specific situation.
When we encounter someone for the first time, there is often quite a bit of anxiety involved. Some people are simply uncomfortable making small talk with people they don't know. Others are out to impress the new person. Some people are overly talkative. (I can be that way when I'm uncomfortable.) Some people are painfully shy.
The point is that people tend to act differently than they might otherwise during initial encounters. And people too often make the mistake of judging or sizing up others based on what can be rather awkward situations.
Some people, in fact, form an initial impression about someone new and stick to it regardless of later observations. It's like they freeze frame the first few minutes of their relationship with someone and they use this mental photograph as a guide to interpret ANYTHING the person later says or does.
In most cases, they unilaterally alter the form the relationship could take. They objectify it and it becomes not a genuine give-and-take relationship but a caricature OF a relationship.
Expand your horizons. Don't allow first impressions to cloud subsequent observations.
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